When God Says Move: The Road Trip That Changed My Life

0:00 Stuck on a mountain in Zion

I was stuck on a mountain in Zion Park. No cell service. My daughter was sitting next to me and all I can remember is gripping the steering wheel. And I made God a promise. If you let this little car start today, I promise I will not waste the life that you gave me. Have you ever woken up in a life that you once prayed for only to realize it no longer feels like it fits?

You've been asking God for direction, praying for change. But somewhere along the way, you got so comfortable being comfortable that when you finally hear him calling you out of the boat, you're too afraid to move.

0:45 Welcome to Just Jelly Unfiltered

Hey you, it's me. Welcome to another episode of Just Jelly Unfiltered. I am your perfectly imperfect podcast host, Jenn. Let me get a little comfortable here.

If this is your first time listening, I want to say welcome. And if you've been here for a minute, you know I already love you. And I just want to say thank you for taking time out of your day to come and sit with me. Before we start, I always like to check up and check in. How are you guys doing? Are you running on prayers and needing a little self-care?

Cuz your girl over here is got some gray hair. I am in need of a little self-care. I have been right in that messy middle for the past couple of weeks and I am definitely ready to slow down and enjoy life just a little bit more. So, grab your coffee, your tea. Hey, if you've had a morning like me, maybe you need a glass of wine. There is no judgment over here.

I have been reading all your guys' Pen Pal letters. I love them. Keep them coming because we're all just trying to get through the day. This one is personal. It is about a trip. I almost didn't take a prayer.

I said when I was terrified and the way I came home looking at my own life a little differently. I didn't come back home with a perfect plan. I just knew I couldn't keep putting everything off until someday. Can a one road trip really change your life? I didn't think so either. Then one

2:14 “Mom, what should we do?” The yes

Thursday morning, it was probably around 8:00, my older daughter came running in to my bedroom. She was so excited. She said, "Mom, I have Friday, Saturday, Sunday off. I don't actually have to be back until Tuesday cuz I don't have school on Monday either. What should we do?" And I was still in bed.

She woke me up and I just remember saying to her, "Well, sweetie, the Grand Canyon is 16 hours away." Now, you just need to understand I was not a spontaneous person. I was a planner. I could switch gears, but I wanted a plan A, a plan B, and a plan C before I switched gears. So, I could just kind of mentally prepare for what might could happen. You know, I don't know if you guys are like that, but I'm definitely that way.

I am a planner girl. You know, we have the planner coming out. And yet there was not any hesitation in my voice. I didn't even think about how far 16 hours really was. And then I just suggested it just out of the blue. Let's just drive across country on a whim.

I think she was just as surprised as I was. My dad had passed away just a few months earlier and I've talked about him on the podcast before and I don't want to pretend I can explain grief because grief is a individual process and I still don't completely understand it because

3:35 My dad: “Don’t wait until tomorrow”

sometimes you don't understand it while you're living through it. But I do know that losing somebody changes the way time feels. It was almost like time had sped up just a little bit before he passed away. My dad had told me, "Don't wait until tomorrow." And those words have sat with me for those few months before I made this decision. And they still live with me today.

I've talked about it before on the podcast. I've talked about it on my social media. And I kept thinking about how often we tell ourselves, "We'll do something later. We'll take the trip when the kids get older. We'll go buy the car when we've saved enough money. We'll move somewhere when the weather is beautiful or when we retire.

We'll make time for ourselves when work slows down." There's always a reason to wait, isn't there? I know I could think of a thousand of them. Even this morning, I was thinking of a thousand reasons not to record this podcast. My software wasn't wanting to work. My family is coming in.

We're getting ready to leave for a trip. And the next thing I know, I'm over here at the table screaming, going, "Oh my goodness." And just remembering, "Pause, Jennifer. Slow down. Breathe. You can get through this."

But I could always come up with a reason. That morning when my daughter came rushing in, I think I was just tired of waiting for that perfect moment. So, the person who would have normally said no said yes. We got in her little Jeep and we headed west. We drove all night long, y'all, to get to the Grand Canyon for sunrise. I don't think either of us had really stopped to

5:05 Driving all night to the Grand Canyon

consider how far 16 hours is in the dark with just two people. We were tired of course, but standing there when we arrived, got out of the car. Oh, by the way, I didn't tell you we took our dogs with us. Yes, we had her dog, Benjamin, and we had my little Chanel with me. So, yes, we took this long drive, spontaneous, with two dogs. But when the light started to come up over the enormous landscape, I was so glad we hadn't talked ourselves out of it.

We could have had a perfectly ordinary weekend. We could have stayed at home. Instead, we were watching the sunrise at the Grand Canyon, and I remember thinking my dad had always wanted to see it and wishing he could have been there. I stood there for just a few extra minutes. By lunchtime, we were beyond the point of exhausted. So, we checked into our room and of course, you know, I did what I started doing.

I thought, "Okay, I may not ever make it back this way. I'm going to search everything that's nearby." And I found pictures of an incredible hike called The Wave. And I told my daughter, I was like, "It's only about 5 hours away." And I've since

6:10 Finding The Wave

learned that nothing out west is right next door. I didn't even realize like all the rules around the wave, how it's in dead sunlight and all just like the seriousness of hiking something like this. In my mind, it's beautiful. Let's just go. I'm in yes mode, right? And my daughter said, "Of course, if you get up and you drive the 5 hours, we can go."

And so I'm like, "Sure, I'm going to drive the 5 hours." When we get there, we realize we have to enter a lottery for a permit. I think the numbers have changed. This was right on the cuff of COVID getting lifted, but at that time, they were only doing 10 in person at the lottery and 10 online permits, so 20 people a day could go through. We were number 10. When they drew our name, I was like, it was meant to be.

And then we looked down at what we had packed. I had on flip flops. She had on Nike Air Forces. And I thought, now what? Immediately trying to find real hiking gear, we found a place on the other side of Zion. So, we thought, okay, on our way over, we're going to go by the sand dunes.

I'm telling you all this, hang in there with me. There is a reason. Cuz at the sand dunes, my daughter lost her phone and a stranger recognized her Jeep as her lock screen and put it on her car while we were playing in the sand dunes. We had ample opportunity to back out, to change our minds, to not do it. We could have had all the excuses, but we didn't. We went ahead.

We bought our hiking gear and started driving through Zion Park cuz I thought, "Okay, I'm going to get to see two national parks." And this is where the story takes the turn. We had gone through the tunnel. I don't know if you guys have ever been to Zion Park. It's

7:50 The Jeep stops in Zion

very narrow roads. It's one way in, one way out. And suddenly, we had gone through the tunnel up the hill and her little Jeep stopped. I just kept turning it and it wouldn't crank for nothing in the world. I just kept saying, "Oh my goodness." I was starting to panic, hyperventilate, anxiety.

We weren't like safely pulled over. There was nowhere to pull. We were just there on this mountain road with cars coming from both ways. People honking because we were supposed to not be stopped there. They thought we were just like taking pictures. They didn't realize what was happening either.

And I just kept trying the ignition and nothing. I was frightened because I thought, okay, I can put the emergency brake on and get out of the car, which didn't feel very safe either. There's no pushing it up the hill because two women are not going to get this car up the hill. In my mind, the first thing, the first movie that started playing is my daughter was sitting beside me. I'm looking at the road. It was a huge drop off, all the cars, and trying to figure out what on earth am I going to do?

I am the mom. I'm supposed to get us out of this situation. I felt trapped if I'm being honest. I know that may sound a little dramatic, but in that moment, it felt that dangerous. And when you feel responsible for someone else, it's scary. And I could tell that she was starting to get scared.

In my mind, I thought, "Okay, I just have to calm.

9:10 The prayer

What am I going to do?" And I just remember gripping the steering wheel and praying. And I meant it with my whole heart. God, if you just let this little car crank right now, I promise you, I will not waste another minute of the life you gave me. And I don't know how long we were actually sitting there. It probably wasn't nearly as long as it felt, but I remember thinking about my family, the people I loved, my dad, and all the things that I kept saying I'd do one day.

It was like my life was just playing like a movie right in front of me. I could see how much time I had spent going through the motions of my everyday life. I'd been so busy taking care of life that I had stopped living it. Life had been living me instead of me living life. That's a hard fact to sit with when you can be happy with your life and where you are and still feel completely lost at the same time. And I just remember after saying that prayer, I tried that ignition one more time and the Jeep started.

I just remember just saying, "Thank you, Lord." We managed to get up the hill and around the curve and thank goodness there was a place to stop shortly after that hill. And we discovered it was low on oil. And so when we were going up the hill, all the oil had rushed back. And I just remember looking at my daughter and asking her why she hadn't gotten it changed. She reminded me she had been planning to do

10:30 A honeymoon couple and a quart of oil

it next week, which was fair enough. I was the one who announced a 16-hour road trip on a Thursday morning, but we still needed oil. And I remember thinking, who in the world drives around with just a quart of oil in their car? Well, apparently a couple that's on their honeymoon does because they were in Zion Park that day and just so happened they pulled in and asked if I'd take a picture of them. And I said, "Sure, no problem cuz we're stuck here anyway." And they're like, "What do you mean?"

I'm like, "We have no way to get out of the park because we need oil in our Jeep." And they were like, "We have a quart of oil." I didn't even know if it was the right kind of oil. I just knew I needed to get out of this park into a gas station where we could find somebody. And so we added it and we made it to the gas station. And I just remember thinking I bought probably two or three more quarts of oil to put into this Jeep.

And then I drove it into the little town we were staying in and had someone check on it before we made the 16-hour drive back. But it was just a moment and I was already so anxious and so nervous. You guys know I have extreme anxiety in my mind. And I was already trying to give our lottery ticket to the honeymoon couple and my daughter's like, "No, you wanted to do this hike. There's a reason for it." Like, I was coming up with everything possible to just stay safe in that hotel room.

All I can remember is the relief of knowing we were safe. But what stayed with me wasn't just the car starting or that kind couple stopping to help us or that we made it to the gas station. It was the promise I had just made. I had asked God for my life and I told him I wouldn't keep wasting it. I had to think about what that actually meant for a minute because even this morning as I was preparing to record this episode, nothing was working right. I wanted to quit.

I wanted to say, you know what, I'll do it another day. I'm not worried about it. Maybe I'll just throw an episode together or something. That little voice that creeps back in when you know you need to get something done.

12:30 The Wave: “God has to be real”

It feels like sometimes the enemy is just pushing against you the more you try to do good. And if that is you this morning, I see you because I am sitting right here trying to push through. And that's what we did the next morning. We got up around 5:00 and we headed out on the hike. And when we got to the top, the wave, it was just a view I can't even describe. I have a picture of it.

If you're listening to this, if you go over to my YouTube channel, I have a picture of the wave there. It's beautiful. After everything that happened, a part of me was terrified to step foot and take another chance. But I knew I just had to take that next step. Even though I couldn't see what was in front of me, cuz I had just made a promise to God I wasn't going to waste my life. And I'd already driven this far.

There was a reason we were number 10. And I was just trying to continually pray to him and have that on repeat. There's a reason. When I looked out at those incredible formations, I remember thinking, "God has to be real. There is no way a person made something this beautiful." Now, I know all of us don't believe the same thing, and we don't have to to sit at this table together, but whatever you believe in, there was something bigger at work that day.

I'm telling you what that moment meant to me. I felt his presence there. And while we were out there, we met this older couple. The woman, she was, I want to say she was like 78 and the man

13:50 The couple with the picnic lunch

was like 82 and they had packed this little picnic lunch and they were sitting there enjoying their day together out in the middle of the desert after a hike. And I just remember looking at them and I thought, "That's it. That's what I want. I want to still be exploring when I'm their age. I want to pack a lunch and just set off on an adventure and see something so beautiful at every age of life. I don't want to spend my whole life waiting for a better time to live."

The day before, I'd been scared by how quickly things could go wrong. And now I'm looking at two people who reminded me how much life there might be left to still enjoy. Both moments made me think about what I was doing with my own life in front of me. Don't get me wrong, I love my family and I am thankful for the life we had. But somewhere in the middle of keeping everybody's world moving, I had stopped asking myself what I enjoyed, what I wanted to try, and what I was missing. I went home and I couldn't look at life quite the same way cuz once you see it, you can't unsee it.

And I don't think that's just a Grand Canyon thing. I think it's a midlife thing. Why did it take me midlife to wake up? I ask that often. I think a lot of us have a moment that makes us stop and look at the life we're living. It might be losing somebody you love.

It might be your kids are getting older, you're becoming an empty nester, or maybe you've had a health scare, a marriage going through a hard season, or simply waking up one morning and realizing you've been doing things for years. Maybe nothing dramatic happened at all. You just finally had enough quiet to hear yourself think to say, "This doesn't fit anymore. This isn't

15:40 The “more syndrome”

the life I want to keep living. I need more." I remember telling my loved ones. I think that trip gave me the more syndrome. I wanted more life. I wanted more energy.

I wanted more excitement. Just more of everything, more of him. I wanted to go to church and get involved in my community. I just remember coming home and I was so pumped and ready. But here's what I learned when I got home. The aha moment doesn't make the next morning any easier cuz unfortunately the laundry was still sitting there in the laundry basket ready for mom to do.

The calendar was still full and people still needed me. You still have bills, commitments, and a whole life that doesn't stop because you've decided you have to live differently. Life is going to keep lifing. And sometimes that's the part nobody really prepares us for. You can see what needs to change and still have no idea where to begin. And when I got home, a harder question showed up.

16:30 Content vs. complacent

Harder question was, "Am I allowed to want more? Is it okay to want more when I already have a good life? Shouldn't I be just content?" I want to be careful with that question because I don't think contentment is a bad thing. In Philippians, Paul talks about learning to be content in different circumstances. And I love that.

I want to be able to find peace even when my life feels like it's in a thunderstorm. Because at the end of every thunderstorm is a rainbow. When things aren't going your way or the way you would hope, when I can't control what's happening around me, being content and understanding the why is my ultimate goal. But I have to say being content and being complacent are not the same thing. You can be thankful for the life you have and still want to grow. You can love your family and still need to learn what you enjoy outside of taking care of them.

Because for most of us, we wake up in midlife and our identities are shifting from mom, caregiver, employee, wife, a lot of those titles we've carried for all these years are shifting. If our contentment is rolled up into those, when they start to shift, that's why I think it's called a midlife crisis, is because you kind of don't know what's next. You don't know what to do. You don't know where to start. And a lot of us end up blowing up our lives. But you can be grateful for a home, a marriage, a career, and all the things you worked so hard to build without believing that every part of your life has to stay exactly the same way forever.

I think sometimes we tell ourselves, "I have a good life, so who am I to ask for anything different?" But asking the question doesn't mean you're ungrateful. It means you're finally paying attention. And trust me, friend, trust me, I am not telling you to go blow up your life. I did that. I've done that.

I learned from my mistakes. That's a whole other conversation for another day. But sometimes the next step is as simple as having a conversation you've been avoiding. Signing up for something you've always wanted to try. I don't want to wait another 10 years to do something. You shouldn't want to wait another 10 years either.

You can start changing how you live without walking away from everybody and everything you love. Wanting more is one thing, but actually getting out of the boat is another. I often think about Peter

18:50 Peter steps out of the boat

stepping out of the boat when Jesus called him onto the water. Some of us hear that call and stay right where we are. The boat is familiar. We know what's in it. We know how to show up in that life. We may not love everything about it, but at least we know what to expect.

How many of us out there today feel that way? That something familiar is better than the unknown or getting a little uncomfortable. And some of us take that step. We start moving towards Jesus and then when life gets loud, we see the noise, the wind, we remember how far away the boat is and suddenly going back starts looking pretty appealing. There's some conviction in that right there. Even as I talk to you, I know that I have looked back sometimes and thought this is not easy.

I could just sit still. And Peter began to sink and he cried out to the Lord, "Save me." And I've thought that way sometimes. This is not easy. Running a podcast, writing a book, anything that any of us do is not easy. Traveling to Spain for 31 days, it was amazing, but it wasn't easy.

And there were moments when I started to sink and I cried out. That is what I want you to take away, if you don't take anything else away from this episode today: Jesus reached out his hand. All we have to do is cry out, "Lord, save me." And Jesus will reach. That part gets me every time when I talk about Peter because he had already taken the step and he still needed help. And Jesus didn't just leave him there because he got scared.

I think about that when I lose focus. When I start questioning myself, when I know I've been moving forward, but I'm tempted to run back to what I know. Even after I came home from the Camino, I was asking what now? Lord, are you waiting on me or am I waiting on you? I still get scared. I still have days when I don't know what's next, but I'm learning that I can't wait until I feel fearless to take the next step.

I can be thoughtful. I can pray. I can ask for help. And I can still move. Sweet friend, what is one small step you can take today without blowing up your life? Maybe you're listening to all of this and thinking, "Jenn, that's great, but I can't just jump in the car and drive 16

21:00 One small step: eating out alone

hours. I can't just travel to Spain or write a book. It's not that easy. I have a job. I have people depending on me." I get it.

I'm not asking you to do either of those or any of those things. I'm asking you to find one small way to stop letting the same routine make everyday decisions for you. When I started, one of the things I did was go to a restaurant by myself. I know. I know. That was it.

I went out to eat alone. It sounds simple, doesn't it? I was walking into that restaurant terrified. I had gotten so used to doing things with other people that sitting somewhere by myself felt so uncomfortable.

I'd always had kids, a spouse, friends. I had never done anything on my own. It had gotten so bad that the thought of getting in my car and going and driving and running errands by myself felt uncomfortable. I had to learn that I could enjoy my own company, order what I wanted to eat. Like, I sat down and I was so uncomfortable. And then by the end, I'm thinking, "Wow, this is what it's like to just do what you want to do, when you want to do it, how you want to do it, and not have any input from anyone else.

No complaints, no arguing in the back seat." It was kind of a whole aha moment in itself that I didn't need someone to make me happy or to make everything okay. Maybe for you, it's taking a walk without turning it into another errand. Take up pickleball, go to a painting class, take a dance class, do a day trip, or finally ask a friend to do something besides go to the same dinner you always have just because it's routine. Maybe it's telling somebody you love that you don't have the energy to say yes this time. Or maybe the brave thing is saying, "I miss you.

I miss our friendship. I'd really like to talk to you." It doesn't have to be to impress anybody. It just needs to be one step that matters to you. And before you add one more thing to your life, ask yourself, what are you willing to give up to make room for it? Maybe it's the need to make everybody happy.

Maybe it's an hour of scrolling at night so you can get outside and walk or work on something that means a lot to you, that you care about. And please hear me, being uncomfortable isn't automatically a sign that something is right. You just need to use your good judgment. I learned that on that mountain road in

23:20 When God says move, will you go?

that Jeep that needed oil. I'm not encouraging you to go do something reckless. I'm just encouraging you to stop confusing the feeling of "this feels unfamiliar" for a reason not to do it. When God calls you to move, are you going to go? I ask myself that question. When God calls me to move, will I go?

I keep coming back to that question because I know how easy it is to say someday. Someday when the kids are older, when I'm not so tired, when everybody else understands me or when I have the time. I've said all those things. I know there are reasons when you are waiting and they can be legitimate reasons. But I also know there have been times in my life when I called it waiting because I was afraid. I want you to think about one thing this week.

Not your entire future or the next 5-year plan. Just one thing you've been wanting to do, one small thing that would make your days feel a little more like your own. What would it look like to take one thoughtful step towards it? Your next step is getting out of the boat. Or maybe you're already there and you are just terrified and you're standing still and you're just staring at the waves, looking back. If you feel like you're sinking, you can ask for help.

You don't have to pretend you're fearless. I certainly don't. I have come on here more times than not and told you how terrified I am. How words terrify me. I think about my dad telling me not to put off what I could do today. I think about my daughter bursting into my room, the Grand Canyon at sunrise, that little Jeep on the mountain, and the prayer I was saying while gripping the steering wheel.

I even still think about that little couple that was sitting up there having their picnic lunch after a hike through the

25:00 Silent to Spoken + next week

desert. I didn't know it that morning, but saying yes to that trip was going to make me ask some really hard questions when I got home. Answering them has taken me years. Some days I've done well, some days I am still a hot mess, but I am grateful I started asking. What questions do you need to ask yourself today? I hope you enjoyed this episode of Just Jelly Unfiltered.

If you did, please share it with a friend. I do have a few announcements. If you're new here, the ebook, Silent to Spoken, is coming out today. In a couple weeks, I'm going to tell you the story of how that book was born, which is a very interesting one because you've got to meet Nicole before you can know Jennifer. You don't have to have the whole path mapped out. You can love the life you've built and still be brave enough to want to live it just a little bit differently.

And next week, here's what I didn't see coming. The hardest part of that trip wasn't the mountain road. It wasn't the 16-hour drive. It was coming home. And I experienced this even after I came home from the Camino. Because when you change, the people who love you have to get to know who you are all over again.

And not everybody is ready for that. That's where we're going next week. Why does changing yourself change your relationships? You won't want to miss it. It's going to be a good one. Thank you for spending just a little part of your day with me.

I'd love for you to write me back over in The Sweet Spot and tell me what's one small thing you're willing to try. Because remember, sweet friend, the deeper we dive, the sweeter it gets. And until our next conversation, just stay sweet out there. I love you guys and whatever you do, don't quit in the quiet.