6 Things We’re Ghosting in Midlife: Menopause, Mom Guilt & People-Pleasing

This transcript comes from YouTube’s captions, so Maria’s lines and mine run together without names.

0:00 Boo besties! Welcome

Today we're talking about six things we are leaving behind. From ridiculous expectations to people pleasing. Boo besties. Hey you, it's me. Welcome to another episode of Just Jelly Unfiltered. I am your perfectly imperfect podcast host, Jenn.

If this is your first time listening, welcome. And if you've been here for a minute, you already know all the chaos that goes on back behind this mic. And I love you for showing up, hanging out with me. But it is fall, y'all. You wouldn't know it by this Florida weather. Let me just tell you, it is 90° outside.

Before we get started, I always like to check up and check in. How are you doing? So much has happened, but I want to hear all about it. I loved getting all of your Hey You Pen Pal letters. Some of you are empty nesters. Some of you have moved away and started over in a new city or you're creating new friendships.

I loved hearing from each and every one of you. Today we're talking about six things we are leaving behind. From ridiculous expectations to people pleasing to menopause, mom guilt, and all those rules somebody decided we need to follow cuz we're in midlife. We're making our own rules. And I have a very special guest with me today. I have my girlfriend Miss Maria on from The Pretty Truth and she is bringing her own six things she's ghosting.

We also want to hear from you. So, join in the conversation down below because we're giving you 12 options. Two women in our 40s with absolutely no guarantees we're going to stay on topic because this morning as we were texting, I changed the topic before we ever even got

1:40 Meet Maria from The Pretty Truth

started. So, y'all help me in welcoming Miss Maria. How are you doing this morning? Did we get the kids off with their unhealthy lunch? Yes, they are at school and I am enjoying just being on a podcast with you. Can we first talk about how absolutely appropriate this topic is for October because I love this trend.

I have some things I want to get rid of even quicker than say the candy in my house after Halloween with two boys, a husband who loves the candy, and I'm sorry, but I do too. So, sorry, not sorry. Thank you for inviting me to be your guest because I love you. I love your content. I think you spread happiness and joy around the internet. So, you always have a friend in me.

My goodness, you are amazing. I love how you are just all about supporting one another because it is hard to find in 2026. And there's enough room at the table for us all. Just pull up a chair. Come on, ladies. Let's get supporting one another.

I have to know, what is the number one thing that you're ghosting in October that you wished you had swiped left on far before you entered your 40s? What do you got for us for number one? So, as Jenn and I were talking about, I did write them down because I don't want to forget. So, if you see me looking at a paper, that is why. But I'm not trying to look 25 anymore at 46. Okay?

I want to look like a happy, healthy 46-year-old. And that's not saying that we're ghosting aging, Jenn. I'm ghosting all of the things that make it harder for us. Because why are we trying to make our lives harder, right? Why do you think women put that pressure on themselves? I know you coach a lot of ladies in different areas, especially when it comes to confidence.

Where do you think they're lacking the confidence the most and where does that come from? So, I think the focus of all the women that I have talked to has really shifted in the past few years because they're focusing on the way that they look and not the way that they feel. And health is our number one asset. I'm sorry, but without your health, you have nothing. So, you can be the skinniest 46-year-old on the planet and look great in that dress. And if you don't feel good, feeling good is what it's all about to me.

But somehow along the way, we've gotten it twisted. And we really worry too much about what other people think, right? Side note, it's impossible not to do this as a woman. I still do it and I stop myself and I think, "Okay, yesterday you were talking to so and so and telling her not to do this, Maria. Now you're not going to do it." It's a constant thing that we have to remind ourselves.

But as long as we know in the back of our head that we have to remind ourselves to do this, I'm all in. And I'm not pretending I'm 25. Cuz listen, when I was 25, I didn't even have the money to live the life that I'm living now. So why would I go back there? I tell my kids all the time, that is like my number one motto: yes, I want you to have fun while you're in high school and college, but get a degree, get that under your belt, and play hard when you actually have money to play hard and enjoy it, because there's a difference in

4:45 Ghosting "40 is the new 30"

drinking bottom shelf alcohol and drinking the top shelf alcohol. First thing that I'm ghosting is I get so tired of the comments of, "Well, you don't look like you're in your 30s or you don't look like you're in your 40s." Those comments are like, I am not trying to look like anything but my age. So I am ghosting that 40 is the new 30 because 40 is just what it is. We are 40. At what age do you think that really started kicking in for you?

Your confidence. Cuz for me it was almost like I just woke up and I no longer really cared what other people said. I can't really pinpoint an exact moment. Can you? I probably can, because when I started writing The Pretty Truth and I sat down and I wrote all of the truths about midlife for myself, I started to really reflect. It's great that people are reading it and love it and resonate with it, but that book was like my love letter to myself as to why in the world were you thinking this way? Why did you do that for so many years?

And then when I wrote it and I reflected and I looked, it was at that point where I also thought, "Oh man, people are reading this. You can't go back now, Maria. You can't go backwards because people are like, 'Oh, no, no, no. On page 46, you told us.'" So that was a real changing point in my life. But when I changed my career and changed my whole lifestyle, it was all a big process.

And that was a few years ago. So I would say, "Oh, Jenn, around 44." Look at that. So you changed careers, too. I hear that often. I think it's becoming a thing, starting over.

Waking up in your 40s going, this is the life I prayed for, but it just doesn't fit me anymore. And now I'm ready to move on to the next thing because I started over five years ago. And then I've started over since then. I sold my company and I started this podcast and I wrote my new book. Look how pretty she is. I got the hard copies in yesterday.

I just had to show you really quickly. I was so excited to see the hard copies. I love it. I love that you're full of

7:00 Ghosting pretending we're not in menopause

support. So we've been talking about age. So that brings me to my second point. Okay. I'm ghosting the fact that I am pretending I'm not in menopause cuz girl, I am in menopause. I have the hot flashes, the mood swings.

This morning, my husband was over there digging in the freezer and it just sounded like he was standing on my eardrum. I'm like, I know. I feel you. And the fact that you could semi pretend that you're not is amazing to me because there was no pretending for me. But I love that you are recognizing it. This is what it is.

And you know what? In this stage of life, we're doing what we love still. And yeah, we're going to have a few more aches and pains and chin hair and all the things going on, but we are still doing what we love. To piggyback on that, with menopause, confidence becomes very hard, Jenn. I don't know if you've noticed this, because your body starts to change, your face starts to change, your personality starts to change. I used to be a lot nicer, believe it or not.

8:00 Ghosting a lack of confidence in menopause

I have a sweatshirt that says I'm nicer in person. That's hysterical, and I love that. But to piggyback off of that, I am ghosting a lack of confidence in menopause because I think that that's a really big thing and I believe that confidence is one of the keys to happiness. And once you have that confidence to live your best life, then your life is going to be better. But when you're going through menopause, it kind of stinks. So I think for you, number one, we are going to first say, "Hey, we're in it.

We're in the thick of it. We're in the middle of it." But we're not losing our confidence in it. Does that make sense? So, when you're talking to someone and they are struggling because they're entering maybe perimenopause and menopause, what is your number one tip to get your confidence back? Number one tip, I would love to say fake it until you make it, but you have to just do it.

You just have to do it. You have to take the risk. You have to close your eyes. You have to get out there because so many women I talk to, and now I'm not even talking to just midlife women. That's how it started. But my clients are getting younger and younger and younger because I think the moms are seeing this and saying my daughter needs that.

Does that make sense? Because they're putting such expectations on our children, our young adults. It's crazy. Like people in their 20s are getting Botox. I'm like, "Yeah, I don't understand it."

But I do think you just have to jump into it without thinking because the overthinking is a big problem. The overthinking, I know. I love you. We have similar thinking because I was talking to a friend of mine the other day and she was like, "I can tell a shift in you. Your confidence feels like it has come back." And I told her, I think the first step for me was getting uncomfortable, was to just take the first step. When I was over in Spain doing the Camino de Santiago, it built up my confidence cuz I was just so uncomfortable.

I was having to schedule 21 hotels, 22 luggage transfers, and wondering is it going to get from one hotel to the next while being on the back of a bike having to go 48 miles in that day? You should tell your friend your step number one was becoming friends with Maria. And then you helped me. I mean, you did it for me. You were so motivating. You were just getting online. And I love, I think I

10:30 Women supporting women

quoted this in our last episode, but I love that line from your book, bangs over Botox, because just go with it. Figure out what makes you feel comfortable, what you want to do with your body, and be comfortable in your own skin and go with it. It doesn't have to be what everybody else tells you you need. You don't need a big butt and you don't need Botox. You can just do bangs. Do you know what you do need?

We need women to truly support other women because everyone that I talk to online says they are worried about what their community will say, what people out in public will say. So if you are wearing something that you love, but then you're worried about what other people are thinking. So, if we could just get all the women together, Jenn, and support one another. Oh, girl, I hate the color blue, but you look great in blue. Let's just try that. When you're out in public, I've tried this before.

When you're out in public and you see another woman, and it's happened to me. When another woman walks up to me and gives me a compliment, it just hits differently because you know what it took for her to step outside of her comfort zone and compliment another woman because that's just how rare it is. So, when I'm out in public, if I see someone and I like their shoes, I'm always going to be, "Oh my gosh, I love that top," or "I love that bag. Where did you get that purse from?" It hits a little differently when it comes from a woman. Would you agree with that?

Agree with that 100%. And I need to tell a little story if you don't mind. I always mind. You know I mind, girl. Go ahead, spill it. I want to hear it.

12:05 The 91-year-old in the headband

So, you know that headbands are my thing. I love it, too. I was eating lunch and I look over and there was a 90-year-old woman wearing a headband and I said to my friend, "Hold on, I have to go over and talk to that woman." And my friend was like, "Of course you do, Maria. I'll be here." But I went up to her and I was also wearing a headband and I said, "I love that you are wearing that headband.

If you don't mind me asking, how old are you?" And she said, "91," I think it was. And I said, "How do you get the confidence to wear that at 91?" And she said, "Well, I think around 40, you just stop giving a sh*t." So cute. And she loves it.

And she goes, "I've worn these forever. I have them for every holiday." And I'm just like, "Yes, yes, yes, yes. That's what we need to be." So that feeds perfectly into my number three of what I am ghosting, which is

12:55 Ghosting "our best years are behind us"

that our best years are behind us. So many of my clients, men and women, they come to me and they're like, "Well, I just turned 45 or I just turned 52. I'm too old to start a new career or I've already lived my best life. That's just what it is. I don't know what's next. What now?"

And I'm like, "No, we're just now getting jiggy with it." We're just now figuring life out. We're getting to the plot twist. We're getting to the good part. So, I am ghosting that our best years are behind us because most of the people in Hollywood did not make it until their 40s. I found that an interesting fact. So, that's what I'm ghosting.

What is your number three that you're ghosting? Well, I would first like to say I love that you said we're just getting jiggy with it and I might be stealing that from you and Will Smith. However, I'm ghosting the idea

13:50 Ghosting putting our dreams on hold

that getting older means playing small or putting our dreams on hold. Because that's another thing I've noticed with the women I'm talking to. They're saying I'm too old to start a new business in music. I'm like, "What? What do you mean? Did your voice change?

Is it because your voice changed?" And she's like, "Well, no. I've always had this great voice, but then I had kids and I didn't get to use it." It's time to use it, right? So, we're not putting our dreams on hold.

I'm ghosting that fact immediately. And at 46, I'm choosing happiness. I'm choosing new experiences. And I'm doing anything that brings me joy, not necessarily other people. Also, sometimes that's the case. But first, I'm going to say what is going to bring my family joy.

Yeah. Because when they're happy, I'm happy. Let's be honest. I was telling my husband just the other day, we're getting ready to go to Breckenridge and we're taking all of our kids for the first time in a couple years. We're all coming together and I told him, I'm like, "Okay, I just need the Grinch to clock out for that weekend.

And I need you to be happy and motivated and doing whatever needs to be done in the house because our kids come first, cuz when our kids are happy, I'm happy. Happy wife, happy life. And we can come back home and we'll do whatever you want to do the next weekend. You do not have to be Grinchy that weekend." And he just laughed at me. I think another thing that's funny is I think we should ghost going, "Oh my gosh, that's telling your age."

Because I was thinking that as I said, get jiggy with it. I'm thinking everybody's going to know how old I am now because I just said this. Well, they know. I'm pretty sure it might be on your bio somewhere. It is. I brag about it.

I'm like, I am 44 and fabulous, but I just realized halfway through the year I was 44. I stayed 43. I think I was 43 and holding for a minute. I think I might have yelled at you for that. We need to act like we do not have an expiration date. I think one of the struggles when it comes to ghosting that we think our best years are behind us is the fact that we have spent so much of our lives running to baseball practice, cheer practice, we carry all these titles, that we forget who we are just as the woman inside.

And that was one of the main reasons I did write Silent to Spoken because when I hit menopause, I can't even explain it. It felt like I woke up and my voice just didn't matter anymore. I had gotten so good at understanding everyone around me and their needs that I forgot my needs. I didn't know what I

16:15 Ghosting other people's expectations

needed. So, that brings me to my number four of what I'm ghosting, and that is other people's expectations of me. I thought that I had to show up a certain way for people to love me or think that I was enough. And at the end of the day, I realized even though I was trying to meet their needs, understand what they need, meet them where they're at, I wasn't getting that same respect in return. They had such high expectations for me. And I think I'm the world's worst because people see me online, they think, "Oh my gosh, she's got it all under control," and they just have such high expectations.

I think it's that role of, you know, like you're the confidence coach. So, if you went online and you made a post one day of, you know what, today I'm just not feeling confident, I think you would have some sense of fear around that of, oh, that's going to hit my business because women are going to think I'm not confident. We have this fear and we put these expectations on titles, on people, and we're still just human. We're going to have bad days. You're going to have days when you may not feel as confident as you did the day before.

I'm an author. I may speak great one day and mispronounce another word. That doesn't mean I can't write. If I misspelled something. Well, you are a school teacher. Oh, look at me.

I'm putting that expectation on you, right? And usually it's via text. So guys, I'm talking into my phone. But school teacher plus author, it is just like a recipe for you have to spell everything right. So, what is your number four? What are you ghosting?

18:05 Ghosting explaining yourself

Oh, okay. I'm ghosting explaining myself to people who aren't paying my bills. See, this is the meanness coming out in me. I never had this before. I would have never even said this out loud, but literally at this age, "because I want to" is going to be a complete sentence. Me getting online was so, so hard for me.

I wrote a book on confidence. I didn't have the confidence to get online because I worried about what everybody was saying. And then when I started making money doing things like this, why am I worried about that when you're not paying my bills, right? I totally understand. So, I'm over that and I'm done with it. And actually, everything's kind of died down a little bit.

Nobody has an opinion anymore. I think it kind of goes in that roller coaster. When you first start, everybody has an opinion. You shouldn't do it. And then you start making money and they become the lurkers. They're lurking your profile, and then when something actually starts taking off and working, then they become, "Oh, I'm here, Maria. Good job."

So I think there is this dynamic that you go through when you're online. I do want to take it back for a minute because there is a funny statistic out that midlife influencers are taking over the influencing world just a little bit. What did it feel like the very first time you got ready to upload your first video? Take us through that moment of how you overcame that fear and anxiety. Hated it. Hated everything about it.

You were going to tell me you had your husband upload it for you. Probably, because everyone told me, "You're not going to sell any books if nobody knows you wrote a book, Maria. Come on." And then I think the hardest part for me was posting it on my personal page, because on my pages that aren't my personal page, I don't really know you guys, you know, so love me, hate me, whatever you want, but the people on my personal page are so special to me. And I thought, are they going to think I'm a real weirdo? Are they going to think I've lost it?

Are they going to buy my book, read it, and be like, "Well, this really is an awful book." There was a whole gamut of things running through my mind, but I just decided if I embarrass myself a little along the way, but I'm still happy and I'm loving my life, then great. See, I don't mind the posting. I love posting. I love being online, but I'm still learning. I am doing better to use the voice that I have found.

But I know that if I had someone who lived next door who wanted to record every single day, I'd go anywhere and do it, but to do it by myself is scary to me. To record in public, I don't know. I've seen you hanging off a golf cart doing cartwheels over here on the golf course and I'm thinking, look at that girl just being her. She's just doing whatever she wants to do. She don't care. That is hysterical.

I'm glad it looks like that. It does. It looks like you just have all the confidence in the world. You're just twirling around the golf course over there. I'm like, "Look at her." My gosh, I think sometimes we have the heaviest expectations from the people we love.

Did you notice that? I felt like that weight was the heaviest: how's my family? Not that I didn't care. My friends, I did care what they thought, but it's more my family. Still, even to this day, when I post or I say something, I say my spouse or I'll say my children. I usually don't call their names unless I have their approval because they're not signing up for what I signed up for.

So, I think I let those expectations really weigh me down in my career. And if I could just ghost those expectations just a little bit and let myself just be me and be free, I think I could soar just a little bit more in 2027. I did a lot in 2026, but I think 2027's really going to be my year. Yeah, I think for sure. Which brings me to number five.

Oh my goodness. I want to say I am

22:10 Confessions of a recovering people-pleaser

a recovering people pleaser. I'm in recovery, y'all. I slip up every now and then. I relapse, but I'm in recovery. I am ghosting people pleasing and wanting to be understood. I no longer feel the need to be understood because unless you're in my life, unless you're in my world, it is a little chaotic.

It is crazy. You're not going to understand it unless you are online or publishing or work in marketing. You're never going to understand my world. All I need you to do is say, "You know what, Jennifer, I get it. You do you. I'll do me."

Okay, this is totally off topic, but we're talking to the midlife women and men out there, so they're going to totally get it. I think we've lost the plot in what friendships and support should look like. It does not necessarily mean we have to agree on every single aspect of the other person's life. I think now that I'm 44, when I meet up with my friends, I want to have a good time. I don't want chaos. I don't want drama.

I don't want gossip. I want to be jumping in the pool in my high heels or running

23:10 What friendships should feel like

down the street singing kumbaya. My life is stressful enough. My friendships need to be my safe haven. That needs to be where I go to act like I'm a housewife and I just have fun and I let my hair down and I drink a little glass of wine or two. And I just feel like so many people have put so many expectations on friendships that it's almost impossible to maintain friendships in 2026.

There's just so many expectations and people pleasing and it's just like, my goodness. I isolated for a whole year. I almost cut off everybody. But I'm regrouping cuz I met you. And then you met Maria and you brought me out of my shell. I cannot thank you enough for coming on the podcast last May.

You saved the podcast. You saved me. You're like Superwoman. You should be Superwoman for Halloween. Okay. So, what is your number five?

What are you dressing up as for Halloween? That was a few years ago. Superwoman. I'll send you a picture. You have to send me a picture.

So, currently I'm writing a book on the pretty truth about motherhood. So, I'm making this whole series and motherhood is a big one that I think a lot of

24:20 Ghosting the mom guilt

people are going to resonate with. And I'm ghosting the mom guilt. Kids don't need a perfect mom, right? Because nobody is perfect. And that's where the whole confidence piece comes in.

For instance, my husband and I just went on a little Mexican vacation, adults only, right? And if I had a list of the people that said, "How do you leave your kids at home?" But that guilt I'm letting go of because that vacation, that time spent with just my husband, that is so good for my kids, too. Right? Everybody really, really puts the kids first for a very long period of their life. And I'm not saying not to do that, but I am saying you can't let go of the other important pieces of your family.

So ghosting the mom guilt, still loving my kids, and let's get real, they have the best life ever. But see, I look up to you for that. That's probably one of the biggest regrets I have as a mom. My mentality was always, I birthed them. I brought them into this world. My husband's a grown man. He can take care of himself.

25:25 Marriage, date nights and the empty nest

I need to solely focus on my kids. And I neglected my marriage for a long time. And I will say that's one lesson I have learned as my kids have gotten older: your husband's still going to be there when you become an empty nester. Your marriage is still going to be there. And if you've not watered that soil and it's dried up, it's harder to start planting the seeds of what you need after your kids grow up and move out. So my hat's off to you for that, because when I say I ignored my marriage, I did.

And I hate that. We separated for a couple years because of it and we had to realize the grass is not always greener. And when I talked to all four of my kids when we separated, the number one thing I realized is when we are happy, our kids are happy. Our kids want to see us going off on these trips and adventures together. They want us coming back happy and smiling and loving on one another because that's their example for how they are going to live in their relationship when they go off and get married and meet their significant other. So, girl, you're years ahead of me when it comes to parenting. I cannot wait to read your book. Even though I am an empty nester, I want to be able to have those conversations with my kids of, hey, learn from my mistakes.

I was just going to say that it's not too late to have that conversation with them now, that mom and dad should have taken the trip. Mom and dad should have done date night every Friday. And I think sometimes it's easier for me because I have really good family support.

My boys were with my mom and my sister for those five days. And when I say living their best life, they were on vacation, honey. It was insane what they were doing with them. So that's a special piece, too. And I know that I'm very lucky to have that. So it does all work.

But there are ways around it. And I just think it is so super special. So, hey guys. Mom guilt, ghosted. I will say that was probably one of the reasons why I was so honed in on my kids when they were little, because we moved. I was telling my spouse just the other day that I am so proud of how far we've come, because most marriages, you hear the rule, if you can build a house, it will last forever.

Well, we have moved 17 times. We have built three houses together and we have gone through him climbing the corporate ladder and changing jobs every three to four years, because in his career, once you get there, this person's not leaving until they either retire or something happens. So once you get that training under you and you're ready to move up and be promoted, you've got to change jobs. So for us to go through all those transitions and still be standing, it says a lot. Which brings me to why I think I am such a people pleaser and why I'm in recovery: I wanted to make it okay for my kids. Because we didn't have that family unit through all that moving.

We didn't have the grandparents and the aunts and the uncles because we didn't stay in our small town next to all of our family. And I will say that's probably one of the things that I may have done differently. I may have seen if I could have had a family member move around with us. I don't know what the solution would have been. I know there are military families out there. So, if you move around a lot and you are missing your date nights, tell us down in the comments.

Or you may not even be in the military. You may just be like my husband and I, climbing that corporate ladder. Tell us how you maintain date nights. How can others ghost that mom guilt and still nurture ourselves? We need us time. I'm going to be honest for just a minute.

I know we're getting off topic just a little bit, but we're going to get back to it, y'all. We have one more left. The southern is coming out in me, let me tell you. Oh my gosh. Here's the messy middle happening right here. I don't even know where I was going with that.

What were we talking about, Maria? You said the last one, number six. Yeah, but I was talking about something before that. I said I've got to be honest with you real quick. What was I going to be honest about? Well, we were talking about marriage, so this could get really juicy.

29:50 Don't ghost yourself

That's what I was going to talk about. I just got to be honest. I do not need another supplement. I do not need another workout plan. If they tell me I need to do one more thing. I get up every morning and you've got this whole laundry list of things to do before you ever even have your cup of coffee.

I want to say, if you are that man or woman that's feeling burnt out right now, because I'm feeling it: you need you time, you've got to go to the gym, you've got to have kids time, you need time with your husband, date night, you're supposed to go to the spa or spend time by yourself and walk the dogs. I will say that is one thing I learned from my Camino. I almost like a more simple life. All I had to do was get up. And I know it can't be quite that simple, but I got up every day. I put my clothes on. I put a little bit of sunscreen on and put my sunglasses on.

Nobody was seeing me. I wore whatever I wanted to wear because no one was going to know my name. And I just lived my day. I got to the hotel, rinse, repeat, got up the next day. There is something to be said for carving out you time, too. So, if you're listening to this, don't ghost yourself. I know we're talking about ghosting things and swiping left, but don't swipe left on yourself or your marriage.

It is very important. I just wanted to chime in and say that really quickly. I know that was totally off topic, but okay, we have gone pretty deep in this episode talking about our six things. We have covered people pleasing, empty nesting, people understanding us, menopause. So,

31:20 Ghosting food guilt (and semi-ghosting alcohol)

my last one. It is all about the food noise, the food guilt. I am no longer ghosting carbs. I'm going to eat the pasta. I spent my summer abroad and I'm telling you, I don't regret one plate of pasta that I ate. And I am fully on board.

Anybody who's known me for a long time knows that I am very healthy. I'm really into wellness, but I don't cut out things unless they're really causing my body some strange things. However, I always try to add more healthy things. Right. Carbs are our friend. Jenn, I'm glad you have now accepted them into your world willingly.

One thing that I am semi-ghosting. And this is why I say semi-ghosting, because I don't want to sound like an absolute hypocrite, but I'm semi-ghosting alcohol because it doesn't make me feel good. Period. That's all it is.

However, if you get a new job, if you get a promotion, if somebody's having a birthday party or if I'm at a Mexican restaurant, I sure as heck am getting that margarita. Okay. Margarita, let me tell you. But all in all, alcohol is just not jiving with me anymore. It's stealing the joy of tomorrow. And that's what I've realized.

It took me two years to realize this, by the way, because I kept saying, "Maybe it's not wine. Maybe it's beer. Maybe it's this. Maybe it's that. Let me try this. How about if I just have two?

How about if I just have one?" But I felt like crap the next day for a very long time. So, I just came to the decision that this wasn't serving me anymore, right? And I'm not ghosting it because I'm judging anyone who likes a good cocktail, for sure. I just realized something about myself at this point. It was kind of like having a toxic ex.

Let's think about it like that. They promise you a really good night the day before and then the next day you just feel like crap. Well, that was me. And I finally came to terms with it. However, when you do something amazing, I will get some champagne and pretend to drink it. Look at you.

So, maybe what we should ghost is the food expectations. We need to ghost dieting, eliminating things, and decide what makes us happy. Because I was just talking about this with a client of mine the other day. He was talking about fasting and how he fasts because he wants to build muscle quickly because he's dating or whatever, and he's like, I'm just miserable. And I'm like, well then why are you doing it? Stop doing it if it doesn't make you happy. Yes. I think that should be the whole premise behind this episode, ghosting what makes us unhappy. If you have something going on in your life, whether it's you're not getting enough you time or maybe you haven't been watering your soil with your friendships or your relationships, whatever is making you unhappy, that's what you need to ghost.

Ghost what makes you unhappy. And I think a beautiful part of us getting older is realizing ghosting isn't always about the people. You're a recovering people pleaser, as am I. We're always worried about what the people are going to think. But sometimes what you're doing for yourself has nothing to do with the other people.

Sometimes it's about habits. Sometimes it's about new expectations you have or a version of yourself that you've outgrown. So, I want everyone to just look inside themselves when you're figuring out what's going to make you healthier, what's going to make you happier, what's going to make you a more confident woman. Because that's what I want for myself. And honestly, everyone out there, if you're still listening towards the end of this long podcast, that's what I want for you, too. That was my whole premise about writing books.

It's my whole premise about talking to women online. I just want everyone to be healthy and happy. And if that's ghosting things, you know what, Jenn, just call me Casper. So, what is one thing that you would tell someone who is maybe feeling that mom guilt? Where should they start looking to reflect? Because I know for me, I think we were talking about this yesterday when we were on the phone, it was having these parties. Pinterest was just becoming a thing and I was trying to keep up with these Pinterest moms and I'm not crafty. So, what would be your advice for a mom

35:55 Where to start with mom guilt

listening to this that maybe is feeling that mom guilt and wants to ghost that feeling? Where would they need to start? Is this really hurting my kids? And I'll give you an example of it. I was asked to volunteer for a PTA event. It was called the Glow Party.

Right up my alley. Something I would love to volunteer for. And then I was talking to my son, who didn't want me volunteering at it, running a booth or doing whatever. He wanted to dance with me at the glow party and he was in second grade at the time. And I felt the mom guilt of not doing the party, but then I started to feel the mom guilt of, he wants to be with me at the party.

So the question I always ask myself is, is this really hurting my child if I don't do this PTA event? Actually, I think it's quite the opposite. And I also think it's quite the opposite going back to my husband and I going to Mexico, because A, they had a great time, and B, they're older now. They need to be okay getting ready for school and somebody else packing their lunch and it being a little different. Everything can still happen without me there. So, back to my advice: is this hurting the child? And the answer is usually no.

And it all comes down to, they know that you love the heck out of them. They really know that you love the heck out of them. And I think we need to do a whole episode on moms, because the one thing that I know from raising my kids and becoming an empty nester is I wish I had talked to my kids more, because typically parents are giving their kids what they feel like they missed out on in their childhood. And in reality, it is not what our kids need at all. We're missing one another in that moment because we're giving them what we missed and we're thinking that is filling their love tank and going to show them that we love them. And that is not what they need at all.

I've realized from raising two girls, I wanted a mom who was just caring, who kind of just put me first, and my older daughter needed that, but my younger daughter needed someone who gave her a little space to breathe, to grow, and kind of make her own mistakes. So instead of rescuing her, she wants me to go, "Okay, I wouldn't have done it this way, but I would do it this way." She wanted more practical advice versus someone being her savior. We should just plan a whole episode on parenting. Oh my gosh, I'd love to. Let me get all your little tips. Let me get this book written.

Come right on. And this book is not even about tips as I'm writing it. It is about every stage that a mother experiences. Okay. So, what stages are you up to? Tell us what stages you have so far.

Well, first of all, I talk about how every mother becomes a mother in a different way. And I was 35 years old and didn't even know that I was going to be a mom. So, I've experienced all of the different ways to be a mother, right? And then I move through as the kids grow: pregnancy, infancy, and up to toddler now, and I spent the most beautiful weekend with my two-year-old nephew this past weekend. It brought back all the memories.

I really wish I could write this in real time. And I kind of might interview some empty nesters, too, because that's a whole separate form of motherhood. So, be ready for my phone call. I'm going to be talking about what it feels like to be a mom and becoming an empty nester, because I couldn't open her door for a few days. It was shocking how difficult it was to make her room my room.

I wasn't expecting some of those things. So, I'm going to talk about that. And I am so excited to have you on. I love that you're writing this book. I do want to take a minute. I tried to call you last

39:50 Sneak peek: The P.A.U.S.E. Planner

night. I did send you a picture of it, but it came in. Let me show you the things that I really love about this planner because it's not your typical planner. I couldn't find anything that gave me my time back and time for my relationships. And that's what this does. And the three things that I really love about this planner: one, it does give you the P.A.U.S.E. Framework, which is in the book that Maria and I were showing you earlier.

At the beginning of every month, you get to pause and say, "This is where I started." And then at the end of every month, you pause and say, "This is how the month ended." So you kind of get to see how you grow throughout the month. And maybe not every month is a growth month. Maybe it's a month of, I don't want to carry this into my next month. I want to let it go.

Maybe it's letting go. It has a vision board at the front for the beginning of your year. But the one thing I love about it is because you actually gave me this idea. Let me show you, cuz you and I did it. And don't forget, you've got to check back in with me in January. Yes, we did a June check-in with ourselves.

So, it's an updated vision board halfway through the calendar so you can see where you're at, what you've worked on, what you've accomplished, and maybe make new visions because you're halfway through the year. So, it's kind of like a little check-in with yourself. It's not just a planner. It's a way of life for the messy middle, to calm the chaos. So, coming soon. Yes.

It's coming soon. I haven't even launched it yet. You're the first to see it. I'm so excited. The framework. And really, a lot of people need that visual.

They need the framework. And I've noticed that with a lot of my clients online, because if I put something on my website, like a freebie or whatever, it really helps them. Just having something in front of them. And that whole year laid out for you just makes my heart sing. It is something that I am totally into and it's going to help a lot of people. And I designed it so it looks like a book.

So it can sit on your bookshelf and it will blend in and no one will know what it is, or it's pretty enough that you could even lay it on your coffee table and it's something you see every morning when you drink your coffee. Because I'm going to do an episode coming in Season 5, guys, about something that changed my life in 2026, and it's something small that we can all do, and I'm super excited about that. Okay, so those were our six things that we're ghosting. Maria, I just want to say thank you for coming on and being our guest again. I love having you on. You are welcome anytime, guys.

42:25 Where to find Maria

Show her some love down in the comments. And if anybody wants to book a one-on-one with me, just go to my website and it is theprettytruth.com. So easy.

And when I say she's got all the confidence, girlfriend's got it in the bag. She's got all the confidence. All right. Thank you so much, Jenn. If you know someone who maybe needs to start ghosting some things in their lives, share this episode with them. Like, comment, subscribe, and you know, the deeper we dive, the sweeter it gets.

And until our next conversation, just stay sweet out there. I love you. I love you, too, Maria.