The Boundaries I Thought Would Make Me Hard to Love

What I am learning about healthy boundaries in midlife, people pleasing, and the guilt that comes with finally saying no.

Hey you, it's me.

I have been working on healthy boundaries.

For most of my life, I believed boundaries were selfish. I thought being flexible, forgiving, easygoing, and available made me more lovable. I believed that if I asked for less, needed less, and made life easier for everyone else, people would be more likely to choose me.

I did not realize how often I was sacrificing my own voice just to keep everyone else comfortable.

It did more harm than good.

I became exhausted, resentful, and disconnected from what I actually needed. I would say yes when I meant no, stay quiet when something hurt, and convince myself that being understanding was the same thing as being healthy.

Then I started setting boundaries, and the guilt came quickly.

I wondered whether I was becoming selfish. I worried people would think I had changed.

Some people did think I had changed because I had.

I was finally learning to stop abandoning myself in order to keep the peace.

This is what I am learning now about healthy boundaries in midlife: guilt is not always proof that a boundary is wrong. Sometimes guilt is simply the discomfort of doing something unfamiliar.

When you have spent years people pleasing, saying no can feel dangerous. Your mind may tell you that disappointment means rejection, conflict means loss, and protecting your peace means you are unkind. Those are old alarms. They do not always tell the truth.

Even Jesus withdrew from the crowds to rest and pray. He did not make Himself endlessly available to everyone at every moment. That reminder has helped me understand that boundaries are not punishment. They are protection. They create room for honesty, peace, rest, and relationships that do not require you to disappear.

Some people may not like the healthier version of you. That does not automatically mean you are doing something wrong. Sometimes it means the old version of you was easier for them to access.

Sweet friend, you are allowed to be kind and still have limits.

You are allowed to love people without giving them unlimited access to you.

You are allowed to protect your peace without writing a long explanation for why you need it.

What boundary are you learning to hold right now?

I hope you remember that protecting your peace does not make you difficult to love.

I'm waiting on your note~

What boundary are you learning to hold right now? What are you finally saying no to so you can say yes to yourself?

Tell Jenn Your Boundary ↓

Just stay sweet, and do not abandon yourself.

Love you,

~ Jenn

P.S. If you are learning how to set boundaries or begin again, I created a free resource to help you take the next step. You can find it under the Resources tab: Starting Over and Boundaries.

If you are looking for a midlife companion, let me walk with you.
lavishlifeliving.com

The deeper we dive, the sweeter it gets.

Your Boundary

What are you finally learning to hold?

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