A Postcard from 30,000 Feet

Sending love from a tiny seat, between where I've been and where I'm going.

Hey you, it's me, sending a postcard from 30,000 feet in the air, fighting for a wifi signal.

I'm on my way home. And if I'm honest with you, and I'm always honest with you, I'm sad.

Not a small sad. The kind that sits on your chest. The trip is over. Marley is getting ready to move out. And in a few weeks, I leave again for a month to walk the Camino. Everything I know is shifting at once, and I'm somewhere over the ocean, caught in the middle of all of it.

And this kept coming to my mind.

I don't want to be brave.

God said, but I need you to be.

That's it. That's the whole wrestle right there. I've watched Marley be brave this entire trip. I've borrowed her courage. And now, when it's my turn, everything in me wants to say not yet, not this much, not all at once.

But I keep hearing it. I need you to be.

Here's the part I want you to hear.

There was a version of me that would have swallowed this whole. Smiled. Told you I was fine. I used to rush past the hard feelings. Sit quiet. Make it okay for everyone else so no one had to sit in the discomfort with me.

I don't do that anymore.

I'm learning that the sadness is part of it. Not a problem to fix. Not something to hurry through or hide behind a highlight reel. It's part of the process. So today, I'm just letting it move through me instead of pretending it isn't there.

Because here's what I know. This sadness isn't a sign that something went wrong. It's a sign that something was good. My daughter grew into a brave young woman, because she was supposed to. I'm about to walk toward my own becoming, because I'm supposed to. And it aches, because I loved this. All of it.

Grief this big is just love with nowhere to go for a minute.

So I'm sitting with it. Right here in this tiny seat, somewhere between where I've been and where I'm going.

And if you're in a season that's changing too, one where something good is ending and something unknown is beginning, I want you to hear this from me.

You don't have to be okay yet.

You don't have to rush past it or explain it or make it pretty for anyone.

You're allowed to just feel it.

That's not weakness. That's finally telling the truth.

In a little while, this plane is going to land. I'll gather my bags, hug my girl, and start getting ready to walk. The sadness will probably come with me for a bit, and I'm letting it. But so will the love. So will the courage I didn't think I had.

For now, I'm just up here in the quiet, somewhere between goodbye and whatever comes next, letting myself feel all of it.

I don't have it figured out. I just have this moment, and you, and a God who says be brave anyway. That's enough for today.

I'm waiting on your note~

If you're in a season that's changing too, tell me. What is ending, and what is beginning? What are you letting yourself feel today, even if it isn't pretty yet?

Write Jenn a Note ↓

I love you. I mean that.

~ Jenn

What Are You Letting Yourself Feel?

You don't have to make it pretty.

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