Men’s Movember Monday • The Sweet Spot

I Split From My Husband. Here’s What Neither of Us Knew About Midlife.

By Jenn Board, Certified Menopause and Wellness Practitioner, author of Silent to Spoken · Published November 9, 2026

Hey you! It’s me! 💋

Can I tell you something I wish I’d understood sooner? My husband and I separated. And when I look back at that season of our marriage, I can see two people going through midlife at the very same time, struggling in different ways, and barely knowing how to explain any of it.

For years, I thought a man’s midlife crisis looked like a sports car, a younger woman, or suddenly deciding he needed a motorcycle. You know the stereotype. What I hadn’t considered was what midlife might feel like on the inside. The pressure. The questions. The silence.

I was trying to understand what was happening to my own body and my own identity. I barely had enough energy to get through the day. Looking at my husband and sensing that something was wrong felt like one more thing I needed to figure out when I couldn’t even figure out myself.

And somewhere in the middle of all that, we became what I now call roommates in waiting.

Wait, What Exactly Is Movember?

Before I go any further, let me explain why I’m sharing this story for Movember. If you’re wondering what mustaches have to do with men’s health, you’re in good company.

Movember is a global men’s health charity that began in Australia in 2003. Every November, people grow mustaches, move for men’s health, host events, and raise money to support three major causes: mental health and suicide prevention, prostate cancer, and testicular cancer.

The mustache gets attention. The bigger purpose is getting people talking, supporting research and programs, and encouraging men to seek help when they need it. Learn more or support the cause at us.movember.com.

That mission hits home for me. I know what it feels like to be so overwhelmed by my own midlife changes that I almost missed what my husband was carrying. I want more of us to ask the men we love how they are really doing.

We Were Roommates in Waiting

We kept telling ourselves that life would get better when the kids grew up. We’d have more time. More date nights. We’d travel together. We’d finally get back to us.

So we waited. And while we were waiting, we were growing further apart.

Our children were going through their own changes. COVID had taken away milestones they were supposed to experience, including the chance to walk with their graduating class. Suddenly everyone was home, carrying disappointment, uncertainty, and emotions that needed somewhere to go.

I felt like I was carrying the emotional weight of the household. I was trying to be a good mom and a good wife, trying to keep everyone okay, and trying to be the person everyone needed. As a people pleaser, I had spent so long adjusting myself around other people’s needs that I could barely hear my own voice anymore.

I was exhausted. Lonely, too. It’s a strange kind of loneliness to feel when your house is full of people.

And then there were the arguments. The forgotten milk. The eggs. Something tiny that somehow became a much bigger fight. We could talk about groceries because groceries were easier to talk about than the hurt, the fear, and the emptiness underneath.

I’ve come to believe the whole family goes through midlife in one way or another. Everyone is growing, grieving something, adjusting to a new role, or wondering what comes next. The adults aren’t the only ones feeling the shift.

The Man Behind the Provider

My husband had this habit of standing in front of the open refrigerator like it held all of life’s answers. Somewhere between the milk and last night’s leftovers, maybe there was a solution to everything.

I can laugh about that image now. I also wonder whether standing there gave him a minute away from the noise and the pressure. I can’t claim to know everything he was thinking in those moments. I know we were both overwhelmed, and neither of us had the words we needed.

Often, we see our husbands as these big, strong providers. The people who protect us, show up, solve problems, and figure things out. Somewhere along the way, we can forget the man underneath all those responsibilities.

The man who gets tired. Who worries about aging. Who wonders whether he is doing enough. Who might be carrying fears he has never learned to say out loud.

I think of my husband as someone who wanted to fix things. But what do you fix when the world around your family has changed, the kids are struggling, and the person you love can’t explain what she needs?

Eventually, my husband found the words to tell me what had been weighing on him. He worried about what would happen to our family if something happened to him. He questioned whether he was happy with who he had become, what came next, and whether the best years of his life were already behind him.

Hearing those questions changed the way I saw him. I had been looking at the strong provider, the man I counted on to figure things out. I needed to see the person underneath those responsibilities, a person who had fears and uncertainties of his own. And he needed room to see what I was going through, too.

I suspect his hormones may have been shifting, too. That was one possibility among many, and I don’t want to turn a hunch into a diagnosis. What I do know is that we were both changing, and our old ways of communicating weren’t helping us understand those changes.

What Midlife Can Feel Like for Men

For Movember, I want to talk about the side of men’s health that can be easy to miss: the emotional weight men carry, the pressure to appear strong, and the difficulty some men have asking for support.

Midlife can bring career pressure, financial responsibilities, aging parents, changes in health, shifting family roles, and questions about purpose. Some men have been taught to keep those worries to themselves. Silence can be a habit built over decades, and it can make closeness harder when life gets complicated.

There is research suggesting average well-being can dip during midlife, although that pattern is not universal and a “midlife crisis” is not inevitable. A man who becomes quieter, more irritable, or more withdrawn could be dealing with stress, depression, poor sleep, relationship strain, a medical issue, or several things at once. The same is true for women.

Hormones can be part of the picture. Testosterone levels may gradually decline with age, but men do not experience a direct equivalent of menopause. Symptoms such as fatigue, low mood, and reduced desire have many possible causes. If someone notices persistent changes, a healthcare professional can assess them rather than assuming it is “just age” or “low T.”

And women navigating menopause deserve that same thoughtful care. When both partners are physically and emotionally stretched, misunderstandings can pile up quickly.

I wish we had understood that earlier. I wish we had known to ask what was happening beneath the silence and the arguments.

Our Separation Made Us Look at Ourselves

During our separation, we both made a decision: we needed to work on ourselves before we tried to rebuild our relationship.

That meant looking at more than the most recent argument. By midlife, many of us have a past we have been too busy surviving to process. Old hurt. Family patterns. Expectations about marriage. The ways we learned to protect ourselves, keep the peace, or avoid saying what we really feel.

For me, that included people pleasing and the exhaustion of trying to carry everyone’s emotions. I had to ask myself what I needed, what I believed, and how to use my voice without feeling responsible for everyone else’s reaction.

We each had our own work to do. Reconnecting required both of us to participate.

And something changed when we began finding the words to describe what we were experiencing.

When we both found the words to speak, we were able to see one another.

The Sunday Conversations That Helped Us Reconnect

One thing that helped was sitting down together on Sundays. We mixed up the questions. Some weeks we talked about how we were doing emotionally. Other weeks it was our bodies, intimacy, the kids, the future, or something we had been avoiding.

We had spent years being good at the logistics of family life. We knew what needed to be bought, paid, scheduled, and handled. We needed practice asking a different kind of question: “How are you really doing?”

We learned to choose a calm time, ask one question, and give the other person room to answer. Sometimes we needed to say, “I don’t know yet. Can I think about that?” Sometimes we needed to repeat back what we heard to make sure we understood.

And because I think connection should have room for laughter, too, here’s an idea: make a game of it. Each of you picks a question from every section, writes it on a slip of paper, and tosses the slips into a bowl. Draw one at a time. Both of you answer. Save the rest for next Sunday.

You might be surprised what you learn about someone you’ve known for years.

Five Questions to Ask Each Other This Sunday

• On a scale of 1 to 10, how are you doing this week? What would make it one point better?
• Is there anything you’ve been carrying alone because you don’t want to burden me?
• Do you still feel like a priority, or more like a teammate managing a household?
• What’s one thing you need from me right now that you’re not getting?
• When was the last time we really had fun together? What would it take to get that back?

Start with one. Listen to the answer. Let the conversation take its time. If talks regularly become painful or go in circles, a qualified couples counselor can help create a more constructive space. And if either partner feels unsafe speaking openly, prioritize safety and appropriate professional support.

Maybe It’s Time to Get to Know Each Other Again

I think about how long we waited for life to slow down. How sure we were that the next chapter would magically give us more time to connect. And how much was happening inside both of us while we were busy keeping everything else moving.

Sometimes we’re so busy trying to figure out who we’re becoming that we forget the person beside us is changing, too.

I still think about the man standing in front of the refrigerator, looking for something. And I think about the woman who was so tired she couldn’t explain why she felt so far away.

I wish we had asked the harder questions sooner. I’m grateful we eventually found the courage to ask them.

Maybe this Sunday, instead of waiting for the perfect moment, you can start with one question: “What are you going through that I might not understand?”

Until our next chat. Just stay sweet out there.

I love you,
Jenn 💋

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Frequently Asked Questions

Can menopause affect a marriage?

Yes. Symptoms such as sleep disruption, fatigue, mood changes, and changes in intimacy can affect daily life and relationships. Communication and individualized medical support can help.

Do men experience hormonal changes during midlife?

Some men experience gradual testosterone changes with age, but there is no direct male equivalent of menopause. Persistent symptoms deserve a medical evaluation because many causes are possible.

How do you reconnect after emotional distance in marriage?

Start with calm, consistent conversations, ask one question at a time, listen without interrupting, and follow through on small actions. Couples counseling can help when conversations remain stuck.

What is a Sunday marriage check-in?

A regular, low-pressure conversation about how each partner is doing, what they need, and how they want to support each other. The questions can be drawn from a bowl to make it feel more playful.

What is Movember and what causes does it support?

Movember is a global men’s health charity founded in Australia in 2003. Its three priority causes are mental health and suicide prevention, prostate cancer, and testicular cancer. Participants raise awareness and funds through mustache-growing, physical challenges, and community events each November.

If you or someone you love is struggling, call or text 988, the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, any time.

Research and Further Reading

• American Urological Association, Testosterone Deficiency Guideline
• European Male Ageing Study, late-onset hypogonadism criteria
• National Institute of Mental Health, Men and Mental Health
• Movember, men’s mental health resources
• Movember, official charity and causes

This article is for educational purposes and is not a substitute for personalized medical or mental health advice.