How to Navigate Stress During the Holidays
Your November P.A.U.S.E.™ before the holiday rush
Hey you, it’s me! 💋
Thanksgiving is 17 days away. Before you say yes to everything, P.A.U.S.E.™
I’m going to be honest, most of the time I’m a hot mess around the holidays.
Our holidays have been in constant flux since our oldest moved out. For years I tried holding onto the control of what I envisioned the holidays to be. Last year, I knew I was becoming an empty nester, so I paused before the holidays even got started. I talk about it in Season 3 of Just Jelly: Unfiltered. Listen to “Just Kindness, No Grinchmas”.
The holidays have a way of making everyone feel something, and no one is talking about what they are feeling. Maybe you miss the years when all the kids came home. Maybe your mood has shifted and you are trying to figure out why. Maybe your wife seems frustrated and you want to understand what she is going through. Maybe you feel like the whole day depends on you, or you are wondering if anyone will think to invite you. Then somebody asks about the rolls and suddenly you are arguing about dinner.
Here is what P.A.U.S.E. looked like for me.
PPause
I physically stopped long enough to look at what actually fit into our lives. Before I committed to the meal or the plans, I needed to see how much energy I had for any of it.
Before I say yes, do I have the energy for this with everything else on my plate?
AAcknowledgment
I had to acknowledge that I was grieving my oldest daughter going no contact. I could still grieve and enjoy the kids who showed up for the holidays. I had room for both. And sometimes what needs acknowledging is right in front of you. You are having a hot flash in a kitchen that is already hot, and you need somebody to take over at the stove.
What am I feeling right now that I have been trying to push through?
UUnderstanding
I asked myself whether my emotions were lying to me. I was sad, and that was real. But did everybody actually need the holiday to go the way I had planned it? When I listened to my family, they did not care what we ate or where we went. They wanted time together. Sometimes understanding starts with telling somebody you barely slept or asking your spouse what has felt hard lately and giving them time to answer.
What might I learn if I said how I was feeling and asked what my family needed, too?
SSurrender
I had to let go of the Hallmark movie Christmas. Somewhere between social media, family expectations, and the movies, I had turned a whole lot of things into requirements. Real life was going to happen right in the middle of my plans.
What can I take off the list, hand off, or say no to this year?
EEmerge
I got to be just Mom. I could sit with the kids who were there and enjoy the moment I was in.
When I put down one thing I have been trying to make happen, what do I want to be present for?
What would you make room for this Thanksgiving? Write me back in the Pen Pal section of The Sweet Spot. 💌
Surrender the perfect holiday. Emerge with the real one.
Until our next chat, just stay sweet out there.
I love you,
Jenn 💋
Don’t quit in the quiet.
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